After I wrote "The Storm" in 2014, I had a three year writer's block. I composed a lot of songs that I never wrote down.
In 2017 my friend suggested I write a song for a video she was making and I said "I haven't written a song in years." Something about the way she looked at me in that moment made me realize...I was forgetting to do what I love to do. I had forgotten who God created me to be. Why on earth did I stop writing songs? I love to write songs!
So in April 2017 I challenged myself to write a song every day for a month. I decided to just tough it out, push past the insecurity and perfectionism, and just do it. "Victory Song" was the first song I wrote.
In Mandy Moore's "Only Hope" she says, "There's a song that's inside of my soul, it's the one that I've tried to write over and over again." I think "Victory Song" was that song for me. I already knew the lyrics I just needed to write them down.
I don't remember when the lyrics came to me. The concept that God waited on us even though we were made to wait on God, to wait for His Word, to wait for Him to move. I felt it every time I came to Him after I hadn't come to Him in a long time. I would finally sit before God and honestly talk to Him whether it was in my bedroom, in my car, in a church. I'd come before Him wanting to cry "where have You been? What have You been doing?" and instead I would be convicted that it was not He who left, but me. In fact, that He had been waiting for me to come back, and to come back, and to come back, again and again and again.
There is the obvious sense of guilt and shame that comes with that. "I can't believe I didn't see You standing here with me." But God never condemned me. It was actually always comforting and relieving. "I've been struggling, I've been striving, I've been wandering...and You have been waiting for me. I was never alone."
I had these lyrics on my heart for a long time "I was made to wait for you, to hang on Your every Word, yet here You wait for me." but I lacked the courage to write them down because I felt like it had to be the perfect song. It wasn't until I threw caution to the wind and just decided to write that I put it in a song.
"Victory Song" was the perfect song to break my songwriting fast. It speaks of too much time spent striving, wishing, and reaching. It speaks of surrendering and then realizing the freedom, grace, and love that is already there.
I don't know what "Victory Song" will mean to anyone else. To me it's very personal, but I think we all struggle and wander and I think God waits for us all to be quiet and just come to Him honestly. I know God wants us all the way we are. I know God offers freedom and grace to all of us if we would just quit whatever we are doing long enough to see Him standing there waiting for us. He has arms wide open, He's just waiting for us. We will find so much joy and fulfillment when we go to Him and hang on His every Word and wait for His leading.